Mother’s Day is ostensibly a day of celebration and love, flowers and cards. We revere our Mums, we spoil,
|Photo by Alina Sofia on Unsplash|
cook for and we try very hard to give back in a day, recognition for all that they do, with love and kindness for us every day of their lives.
Mums are like this spring of flowing and eternal love, even when we don’t properly feel it – they are there, they are part of our fabric and they matter.
For single Mums, I can tell you honestly, it can be the rawest. The eternal and relentless days of doing it on their own can be felt so palpably, especially when children are too young to remember and there is no support from an Ex. This special day can fall hard, harder than most other given Sundays.
It really is at these times that we feel deep pain, a sense of being invisible and we can feel like we are disappearing under the waters of ‘forgottenness’. Mother’s Day is a day to be honoured, acknowledged and cared for. It is also a day where Exs are able to make a huge difference by stepping up to support their children’s Mum with a sense of kindness and respect. Helping your children to acknowledge their Mum on Mother’s Day is not onerous, it can just be a card, a box of chocolates or a hand picked bunch of flowers… this awareness, of what mum’s do in a single parent capacity is like having the sun fully come out for us. It in truth doesn’t take much and take it from me – we feel it ten fold. It is simply about honouring the other half of your children and who brought them into the world.
So this morning I was given two lovely cards and a promise of being taken out one day.
What I realised is this. I do not need the decoration of flowers or cards in my home to celebrate the mummahood of what I do every day, it is about what I truly love. It is the unexpected hugs, when possible from my teenagers, or a big smile and a thank you. Moments of natural thankfulness work for me every time rather than the merchandise spray painted with glitter for this certain Sunday of the year.
Loving our Mums is recognising their presence despite the trials and tribulations that come with them. That we have our Mums still with us even when they get in the way, they fret or are downright irritating and un-PC beyond belief. I am grateful to my Mum for all that she has taught me, with the blueprint of her life handed to me. So I could learn to maybe do things differently, to inspire me to notice the things she loves that I might not otherwise have seen in the world. For the twice weekly check-ins, the news paper cuttings that drop onto the doormat from the post. The thought that Mothers have for
everything each and everyday and how grateful we are for having our mums here with us and realising their total importance in lives and in the world as a whole.
After divorce or your breakup Mother’s Day can be hard, the families that get together with the Dad’s supporting the children, to support their Mother’s rest up day. As a single Mum it is hard to see. The ‘aloneness’ is felt on the Sunday walk and I had my Mum with me for the weekend. Tears found their passage and they fell several times today for being able to tell my dear Mum I love her.
It is my wish and hope, in amongst the marketeering flora that we can all feel a sense of gratitude for our Mums, for what they do for us, and how they repeatedly show up for their children no matter what is happening.
Never more so is the loss and pain of a Mum who has passed on felt than on days like these. The whole of the social media exploding with floral delights and celebratory lunches is served up too alongside many who experience deep pain, sadness and the very real, daily missing of a Mum in their lives.
Hug those Mums of yours, tell them you love them, call them often, spoil them with kind words… do it every day, not just on Mother’s Day.
With love x
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