So today in the UK over 150 family justice professionals are coming to Parliament to meet their local MPs. What is this for? A very good and honourable cause … they are coming to talk to their MPs about why the Government needs to allow for a NO FAULT DIVORCE. This is good news!
For me and my ex husband it was a stumbling block in our commitment to having a respectful, kind and good divorce. Neither of us had felt we had acted in any way unreasonably in the weeks following our initial discussions of our divorce and neither of us had committed adultery. The question on the page was glaringly acrimonious… it made us stop, we were uncertain of the way forward and it was the last question on the Petition Form we completed.
We were eager to get the divorce going and this could clearly be a ‘flashpoint’. And it was, as neither of us wanted to be separated for the next two years without being able to move on.
So after several heated discussions, I agreed to take responsibility and tick the adultery box. My Ex had a business and wanted his history to be clear of any such attachments and I didn’t want to fight. When you decide to get a divorce you are at the stage where YOU KNOW that divorce is really the only way forward and that for your only crime to be to ‘fall out of love’ this question is unkind. It is a hurdle that so many couples in our position have faced. We are good people and at the end of the day want what is best for us, for our children, our families and friends.
Surely this doesn’t need to be a requirement of a couple seeking to get divorced amicably and with less stress, anxiety and conflict? Do our children nee
d to see further upset between their separating parents? No, I do not think so. For me personally, the desire for my divorce to not define the rest of my life was incredibly important. So does for me ticking the adulterer box affect my life, thankfully no – I choose not to be affected by the blame game that can so often ensue between separating couples. I am okay with my decision. Did it have to happen – yes it did, because the question was there on the page, so does this still have to be part of a painful, guilt ridden and sad process – absolutely not.
The support separating couples require during such a scary, turbulent and distressing time is at it’s most crucial and small steps can be made in reducing the finger pointing and judgemental ‘unhelpfuls’ such as this. Divorce is not easy, it is hard whether you divorce with kindness or not. We all struggle under the “Divorce” hat, it is unyielding, heavy and full of pain. We do know there is a better way, a kinder way and more supportive way to help many, many members of our society through their troubles.
Thank you Resolution for bringing this to the fore and I was happy to help today, sharing my experience of something that had been a really difficult decision during a painful process.