I get asked why meditation helps you through your divorce… and here is what I think… Divorce is one of the hardest things you will ever go through in your life… and you need to find that space in your overwhelmed fight, flight or freeze lovely head for some peace.

So if you have never meditated, you want to feel calmer through your divorce… here are my thoughts… meditation and your divorce… this stuff really helps…

I felt as a newly single mum I needed ways to help me feel better that fitted in with my plate balancing life, a life that I was unsure of and didn’t really have the brain or energy capacity to learn lots of new things.  It was a bit like all the books stacked up beside my bed to help me feel better about what I was going through.

I remember the first time I tried meditating… it stressed me out… I couldn’t breathe properly. Bringing in my mind to focus on anything was difficult, including breathing. My thoughts were scattered and I found meditating at the beginning very…

Irritating… and stressful…

My mind felt it was bouncing around like a ping pong ball inside a very small box. I sat and repeatedly fiddled with my fingers in some kind of ‘mudra’ position. I twitched, uneasy about being still and my poor sleep deprived head felt very crowded with all the thoughts and fears of my day and of the week ahead… I was ragged, knackered and I just wanted to wake up and everything be ok… Instead I was faced every morning at about 4am with my mind monkeys and worrying thoughts of the past and the future all wanting a piece of my attention…

It felt weird being still and being told to focus just on my breathing. I thought meditation was about the crazy unknown, maybe with a few unicorns, waterfalls and sparkles thrown in. But just breathing – nah!  However, I breathed in for 4 and out for 6, I tried to count my breaths. I did nothing but follow my breath in through my nose, throat and chest and down into my belly – to relax me – really was this meditation malarky seriously going to work to help me through my divorce?

It felt stressful already – how could meditation help me feel better about my divorce days?  I was told to count up to five breaths without my mind going elsewhere… by breath No.2 I had mentally written the week’s shopping list, diarised the next day and worried about the next week’s meeting with my lawyer. Back to the beginning… my mind repeatedly telling me this was no use, give up – of course it did – I was in effect starting to rewire well worn neural pathways that my MIND was used to and it was p*ssed!

I tried again, being competitive and also very stubborn, I was not going to let breathing just five times in a row stop me from winning this mini self-care challenge.

And challenge it was, until I had gone through my list of things to do, worry about, judge and I was still breathing, and weirdly feeling a little calmer. So I tried again, this time I made it to four breaths before the front doorbell rang. I was shaken from this natural breathing stillness I was feeling… wow… it happened, I felt calmer for just breathing…

I didn’t need anything to help me I just had my breath and body to focus on. Whether this was on the way to work, standing in the checkout queue, when I awoke or just before I fell asleep – which incidentally was better after I began to meditate in my divorce.  Was there something in this? So I practised when I could, I began to notice small changes, I felt I was reclaiming my life from my mind and it felt good, it didn’t feel ‘woo woo’, scary or out of body stuff, just there, present and actually…. ok…

So here are my top tips for learning to meditate or if you are minded to get your practice back into your busy life…

  • Choose the time that’s right for you – morning/lunchtime/evening
  • Relaxed posture – get comfy/cosy/lie down/support your back
  • Practice with other people – partner/friend/group
  • Appointment with yourself – gift yourself even 10 mins a day – book this into your schedule
  • Connect with daily activities like fully listening to your kids, turn the radio off whilst driving, love that shower and the sensory pleasure of water running over you and a lovely shower gel, brush your teeth with the other hand – so you are focusing more on what you are doing, be fully present whilst you eat, get off your phone and go sit outside getting some fresh air too…

So I would love to know – have you tried it? Did it you like it, love it or gave up on it?  What could have helped you?

If you want to know more, be part of a lovely, kind and positive divorce group of women from around the world click on the link below, it would be lovely to meet you…

Divorce Goddess Facebook Group